Lecture – March 26, 2003 - Children and Parents
Transition to parenthood - Jay Belsky and John Kelly's article
3 positives in the transition
gratification of the baby herself.
Changes in feeling about oneself.- sense of maturity
The new sense of family that the baby creates. – brings them closer to their own parents, sense of generations, etc.
Five areas of stressful transition from being a couple to being parents:
Division of labor: This is the major stress of the transition
Compared with his 1960s counterpart, men are more involved in baby and household cores. Studies show that , on average, 30 years ago a man devoted 11 hours per week to home and baby, while today he devotes 15 or 16 hours.
But this 3 to 4 hour increase has not significantly alleviated the new mother's burden. The new mothers contribution increases during the transition, usually by about 20% - she exceeds the amount of work the man does by about 300%
A combination of factors, including maternal employment, feminism, and egalitarianism has made today's woman expect and feel entitled to a significant amount of help from a man.
Different definitions of the situation. A wife measaures what a husband does against what she does. The man, on the other hand, measures his contribution to chores against what his father did. Frequently the man's perception of who does what is also influenced by the fact that, at last temporarily, he becomes the family's sole breadwinner. And because this a role he has been taught to equate with parenting, fulfilling it not makes a new father feel like he is already satisfying his parental obligation, it also makes the 20 percent he does at home seem like 200%.
Mothers may have such a significant investment in the child that she becomes critical of her husband's parenting that without intending to, she drives him away.
Money Worries - added burden of child-care costs that can run as high as $20,000 per year in some cities.
Most of the disagreements new mothers and fathers have about these expenses arise from another difference between members of the his and hers transition: Parenting changes men and women's self-perception in very different ways.
A new father frequently works longer hours to increase income and begins cutting back on his own consumption. Many a woman's economic logic is often shaped by her close identification with the parenting role. Because a mother sees herself first and foremost as a nurturer, the woman's chief concern becomes the baby's well being. This often produces economic choices that put her in conflict with her conservation-minded husband so she may make purchases for the child that the husband finds frivolous.
Career and Work – Between 1970 and 1990, the number of employed mothers with young children were working. More and more employed mothers have come to embrace the notion of egalitarian role sharing and that creates some of the tension in the transition to parenthood. Most men are psychologically and emotionally unprepared to be the full partner his wife wants and expects.
Career conflict are also common between husbands and wives because the man’s view of himself as the family’s principal breadwinner (whatever the reality of the situation) produces an expectation that career sacrifice are also his wife’s job.
Their relationship - The baby becomes the center. Of affection. Fatigue is one factor for the decrease of sexual intercourse (30 to 40% in the first year after the baby's arrival. But also because the baby attracts the attention and affection his parents used to direct at each other.
For men the chief culprit is maternal preoccupation with the baby. Often adding to the man's sense of estrangement is the coterie of advisors that surrounds the new mother - particularly mothers-in-law and sisters-in -law.
When women talk about transition-time loneliness and estrangement, their chief culprit is what Belsky calls male self -focus. A man's emotional energy and attention all too frequently tend to flow inward toward his own concerns and needs. As before the baby’s arrival, the man continues to be preoccupied with his own wants and needs.
The association men make between work and parenting also contributes to maternal loneliness and estrangement.
Social Isolation – New mothers tend to suffer more from isolation than fathers, and new stay-at-home mothers suffer most of all. The fact that many report not going out at all during the first six months after the baby’s birth unless a relative is available to sit, is perceived according to Belsky differently. Husbands complain that their wife’s obsession with the baby creates this social isolation.
What parents are supposed to do for children?
Primary socialization
Provide emotional support
Exercise control
Socialization – the way in which one learns the ways of a given society or social group so that one can function within it.
One of primary tasks in socialization is to familiarize children with the culture in which they are growing up. Socialization involves teaching children norms and values. Norms are widely accepted rules about now people should behave. Values are the goals or principles that are held in high esteem by a society.
One of the norms that children learn is how to be “appropriate” males and females.
Constructing gender during childhood.
Biosocial approach – that gender identification and behavior are based in part on people’s innate biological differences.
Socialization – Gender roles – the different sets of behaviors that are commonly exhibited by women and men.
Parental socialization – a large number of studies support the theory that parents act differently toward boys than toward girls from birth onward.
(Other types of socialization -Media socialization; peers)
Other theories of parents’ influences on gender identification and behavior =
Psychoanalytic theory – the theory that gender identification and behavior are based on children’s unconscious internalization of the qualities of their same-sex parent.
Social constructionist perspective – continual construction and maintenance of gender.
Two schools:
Symbolic interactionists – the theory that gender identification and behavior are based on the day-to-day behavior that reinforces gender distinctions.
Ethnomethodologists – the social order that we take for granted in everyday life is much more precarious and we must spend a lot of time creating and recreating a shared sense of social order in their every day lives.
Parental behavioral styles
Authoritative – a parenting style in which parents combine high levels of emotional support with consistent moderate control of their children.
Permissive – a parenting style in which parents provide emotional support but exercise little control over their children.
Authoritarian – a parenting style in which parents combine lows levels of emotional support with coercive attempts at control of their children.
Children are best socialized by the authoritative style.
Differences by ethnicity - African-American parents are somewhat more likely than white parents to use physical punishment; Asian-American parents are more likely than white parents to insist on discipline and obedience. It may be that the these actions do not have the negative meaning that whites, especially middle-class whites, attach to them.
Differences by class – strong differences between working-class and middle-class parents in how they socialize their children.
Working-class parents are more likely to select obedience to authority, conformity, and good manners, whereas middle-class parents are more likely to select independence, self-direction, curiosity and responsibility.
In this way, socialization by parents both is influenced by and helps to perpetuate the social class divisions in the United States and other industrialized nations.
Greater emphasis on autonomy and self-direction for all classes now.. Both working-class and middle-class mothers have come to place less importance on obedience and more on independence. There is an increased cultural emphasis on individualism and secularization that influences this greater emphasis on autonomy and self-direction.
Difference by gender
Parents tend to magnify and exaggerate gender differences.
Androgynous behavior – behavior that has the characteristics of both genders.
Increasing recognition of the importance of fatherhood.
Active involvement by the fathers have many positive effects on children – fewer behavior problems, more responsible, better social skills.
Research suggests the following conclusions:
Fathers relate to young children differently than mothers. Fathers are more “rough and tumble”. Positive effects are that children learn to regulate their emotions.
Fathers’ influence is often indirect. The better the quality of the father and mother’s relationship, the better is the child’s behavior and school achievement. Fathers provide income as well
Fathers’ Influence on Children is long term as well as short term –
Generativity – a feeling of concern about, or interest in, guiding and shaping the next generation. In families where fathers had been more generative, the children had had greater educational and occupational success.
Fathers’ Influence on Daughters may be different from their influence on sons. –For girls, fathers’ involvement with daughters may be more important when the daughters are adolescents. Involved fathers help adolescent girls separate from their mothers and learn to manage heterosexual relations. Involved fathers help that process by providing safe, nonromantic role models for their daughters. As for boys, father involvement may be more important when they are preadolescents, since this is the time in which they must separate from their mothers and identify as male.
How nonresident fathers act toward their children, not how much time they spend with them, makes a difference. When nonresident fathers have an authoritative parenting style children tend to develop better than children whose visits with their fathers are purely recreational.
Summary: fathers do have significant effects on children’s development but fathers’ effects are, in general, weaker than mothers’ effects – especially in terms of the day-to-day behavior of children.
What factors make it harder for parents to do their jobs?
Summary
Unemployment and poverty can affect the way parents act toward each other and toward their children. Job loss or low earnings can cause a parent to become depressed and angry; fathers in these situations are likely to have angry, explosive exchanges with their wives and children.
Divorce and remarriage – Divorce is neither a benign event nor an automatic disaster for children. During the first two years after the divorce, there is a crisis period. It is a difficult period for both children and parents. For the custodial parent (usually the mother), her income goes down and many changes such as moving from their neighborhood happens. The mother may not be able to give consistent support.
Over the long run, however, most children do not seem to suffer substantial harm because of their parents’ divorce.
The remarriage of a custodial parent does not appear to lower the risks – the well being of children in stepfamilies is similar to that of children living with unmarried, divorced parents.
Single parenthood – Raises the risk of adverse consequences for children such as a child dropping out of school. These adverse consequences can be traced back to issues of poverty, continuing conflicts with former spouses or partners. But also because it is harder for one parent to do the work of two. Several studies show that single parents do not monitor and supervise their children as well as married or cohabiting parents.
Non-parental childcare – More than half of all preschool children are regularly cared for by others while their parents work or attend school. The most frequent type of care is family-based care provided by nonrelatives; followed by day care centers.
Very few studies have shown any negative effects for children older than age one. There has been discussion regarding children for children under the age of one, i.e., that infants in day care do not develop an attachment to their mothers and therefore will grow up as less trusting and secure.. However, the National Institute for child Health and Human Development found that the use of childcare was not associated with an insecure attachment to the mother except when her quality of parenting was poor. The investigators also reported that children in kindergarten who had been in children for more than 30 hours per week, on average, were more likely to be rated as aggressive, still almost all children were within the normal range of aggressive behavior.
Lesbian and gay parents – Studies are limited since they are based on self-selection (i.e., gay parents willing to talk). The studies show little or no difference in the psychosexual development and behavioral adjustment of children in lesbian families, compared to children in heterosexual families.
Well-being of American children – Summary
Comparisons between the “average” child today and the “average” child a few decades ago can be misleading. Economic inequality has increased since the early 1970s: the percentage of children at both the bottom and the top of the income ladder has risen, whereas the middle group has decreased in size. The growing proportion of children who live in relatively wealthy settings tends to be doing well. At the other extreme, persistently poor children suffer greatly. Children in the shrinking middle group may have suffered a moderate reduction in well being over the past few cades, a trend that eroded some of the gains of the 1950s and 1960s.
Poverty has declined since 1949. But we have to recognize that racism plays a part: the poverty rate for black children was 33.1 percent in 1999. Moreover, the children who are persistently poor are disproportionately black. Hispanic children: 30.3 percent.
Mixture of improvement and deterioration
Parents’ educational levels increasing
Physical health better, on average
Drug abuse down
Increase in psychological problems (or reporting them)
Teenage homicide rates increasing
SAT (Scholastic Aptitude Test) scores decreasing
Decrease in children living in two-parent homes.
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