Welcome to this place that I've created!!! (Actually quia created it, but oh well). Most things are good. How are things with you? My name is not Jonas or Mike Pachonis, and I don't ride a ponas. Remember that if you're white/caucasian in color to stay that way- there's no such thing as a white african. Salute your shorts. Love cheese and George Bush. Steal signs from hotels and hang them on your door. Go to Ripley's Believe it or Not museum and believe it. Do anything you want, but don't climb on the back of your friends car and tell her to go, because chances are, she won't tap the gas pedal LIGHTLY! and it will hurt a lot and you'll land with your skirt pulled up by your waist and your volleyball coach will think you're dumb and make you wrap your elbows in gauze and tape until they can't bend anymore. The other team will make fun of you and tell their friends, then they'll tell their friends and they'll tell their friends and so on and so on and so on. Until everyone on planet earth knows about the dumb girl who fell off her friends car, was poked fun at by little kids chanting "I see your underwear!" and was forced to be mummified for her volleyball game. Anyways...go to Burger King and order a cherry icee and then yell at them when they say,"No have we cherry- you like fontana blue raspberry? coke? No? $38.78 next window please." Love cheese and attempt to play with it in other forms-liquidate it, combust it into a highly toxic gas and seep it through the world's longest hollow noodle to Afgahnistan. I don't know why you should do this, I just think it would be wierd to have people complain about being "cheesed". Only eat french fries which have been cooked thoroughly- in other words spare yourself from wasting $1 on the monstrocity they call "french fries" in our very own school cafeteria. Introduce yoursel to at least 3 new freshmen everyday- they'll fail to look at they're friends with that infamous "who's this dummy head" face because they're too new to know that they're elders really aren't cool at all. ONLY go to prom with your boyfriend/girlfriend or a person who knows that you guys are just frineds and that's all you're ever going to be. Enough said about that. Don't support the boy band foundation. I don't care how "fly" or "hot" you think they are. They're not really musicians and they're actually carbon copies made in a factory made by big, fat, rich, white guys who want more of you're money. If you didn't think that last sentence was a slam on boy bands, then my head hangs low for you, because you're already too far gone.
Watch "Everbody Loves Raymond" and Wayne's World 2. Laugh at Ben Stiller, Martin Short ("keep icing your front bum, I can't have swelling, I need you!"), Dana Carvey, Johnny Knoxville, Tom Green, and Adam Sandler. Don't be afraid of Michelle's brother Jon- he's not Satan, a demon, or the anti-christ. Don't like Mandy Moore, because she talks out of the side of her mouth and wants to be Britney Spears. And she's got a crush on you. Don't like Mike the tuba player from a Florida marching band. He's an embaressment to our fair state. Like all of those Doublemint Gum twins and recognize them as individuals, not as twosomes. Drink a lot of apple juice. It's real yummy. Watch blink 182 on the Tonight Show on NBC on October 11, 2001 at 11:30pm. Make wierd faces. Don't let people control who you are. Love Gilbert Grape ("Match in the gas tank....."). Love your neighbor as your brother. Listen to 103.1 fm a lot, but don't believe ANYTHING they say. Get a dog. Dress up for Halloween. Go to the keys. Go to Fiji. Go to Kalamazoo. Trade in your car for a canoe. Only wear one shoe. Ok I think I took that a little too far. Do things people won't expect. Be nice to Anthony Valetta. Don't make fun of Dustin for being ugly: he can't help it. All of the ugly people are going to gang up on the good looking ones and take over, because you know we have better personalities than you people anyways. Don't let your mom read "The Power of a Praying Mother" unless you want to live in birdcage. Some people are wierd but the normal ones are boring. That guy that Jen likes on Dawson's Creek is really hot and he likes normal music. That doesn't happen every day so I decided to make note of it. Even though that's not who he is in real life. He's probably just your average TV star. I wish I was smarter than everyone else so I could figure out what people are going to say before they say it. I wish my dad wasn't a scary guy. He's just scary looking and then he talks to my friends and he's even scarier. Maybe that's why I have no friends. Well, I do but they don't know my dad. I'm going skiing. I wonder what kind of disaster will result by putting me on a mountain sleding around this time. Last time a snowmobile had to rescue me. I guess I don't have very good luck. No, I take that back. I know I don't have very good luck. Eat macaroni and cheese but only the spirals because they're more fun to suck through your mouth. The other day I stepped on a broom and the broomstick wacked me in the nose. Just another reason why life sucks. I'll never figure out why all of these odd things happen to me but I suppose my life is more exciting than most. Like Brenden Fraser. When you are lonely you should....well I can't really give advice about being lonely because I haven't found a way not to be lonely yet, but I'm working on it. Say hello to Brett Waite's girlfriend. She'll be the one weighing about 800 lbs and wearing a black fishnet shirt. Oh, say hello to his boyfriend too. He'll be the guy with the glitter on his cheeks. Go off-roading. Fly a kite (or 5). Like the color red. It's the best. Only like nice boys if you're a girl. Mean boys are dumb. And they lie frequently. Watch SNL- I'm gonna be on that show someday. Actually not. Teachers who are dumb don't really get much teaching accomplished. If the movie Congo applies to your life, don't talk to me. Big gray monkeys with crooked teeth scare me. So do communists. So do carnies (small hands, smell like cabbage...) Watch Romeo and Juliet (sigh). Rent the movie Blow Dry. Valentines Day is dumb. You may be thinking,"Of course you think it's dumb, you're a lonely ugly girl!" Hear me out before you think this. Couples act gross and are all over each other every day of the year- why give them their own special holiday? Well hopefully I'll be happy this Valentine's Day, but guys tend to break up with me before February 14th. Oh well. Your mom.
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