Before I begin I want to apologize to all of you who are offended by my page or do not find it enjoyable. I just can't please everyone so I've decided to just try and please myself. I rsealize that you people think that I was on somthing while writing this pages and I find that idea quite intreaging but it's very untrue. I guess I just got a little carried away I'll try to switch to oatmeal in the mornings or some other non-humerous brekfast food.
P.S. I just want everyone to know that clowns are not human. I'm not joking. Not only are those things the scariest creatures alive but they're also all alcoholics. I mean one of those things alone can put a brewery out of business. Nothing human can drink that much
P.P.S. If any of you guys ever meet my mom tell her she's dumb because she's always scrumaging through my room trying to find out things about my personal life under the faulsehood that she's looking for any bath towels I might have left in my room so she can wash them. Everyday, come on how often do those things need to be washed I just don't understand, when I get out, I'm the cleanest thing in my house! It should be getting cleaner each time it touches me!Anyways.....On with the show.
Hi all! Or should I say hola! My page from last year received a whopping 427 hits! If you have been to that site please don’t think that this one will be any better. I will again ramble on and on and on. Most likely I will end up rambling on longer then I did the last time. So prepare yourself. I have decided that a memoir, of sorts, would be appropriate for the beginning of this “homepage” thing. It’s about me and my wonderful relationship with two very special animals. Here goes: On just another typical day of my fickle teenage years, I got the bright idea of getting the ol' aquarium a once-over and get it going again. I cleaned and I cleaned, and the next day, I bought 2 goldfish at the pet store. I had originally intended to buy a few tropical fish, but I was told that I needed to build up the bacteria population in my fish tank before I put in a large investment of tropical fish-- (2 schools of those things run at about 35 smackers!) So when I got home with my two new friends, Dinah (my cat) and I decided to name them Turtle and Maurice. They are quite the aquatic duo. Inseparable, they reminded me of something you might find in a classic comic book. But thoughts of courageous hydro-heroes quickly faded when I discovered that Turtle had no dorsal fin and was battling a long-running eating disorder. Maurice, though, was a lively young pup, who often disbanded from the elder Turtle to get into his own mischief. I like to think of Maurice as one of those stereotypical snappy young Italian men. Maybe his fictional Italian upbringing explains why he eats all the fish flakes before turtle can get to them. (It is now that I think about this snappy Italian man sitting down at Ma's dinner table, and greedily spooning all of the linguini onto his plate before the sixteen other on looking brothers and sisters and cousins can get their share). Needless to say, it made Turtle a little mad. So, Turtle just sat at the bottom of the tank in his favorite spot near the red leafy plant and the conch shell (pronounced con-sh not conc)--moping. Turtle had a fatter face than Maurice, and frankly, Maurice was a little better looking. Maybe that's what all of that hostility coming from Turtle was about. But, maybe that's just me--- sometimes I'm just not too partial towards the disabled. A few days after I had Turtle and Maurice in their tank, some very sad news turned the initial glee of my aquarium completely around. Turtle died two days later. That was sad. The incident made Maurice a little weary. At the time, I thought about getting him a few more friends, but Maurice's death quickly followed, and all of my dreams for Maurice and his future quickly faded. Their deaths were expected, with Turtle's disability, and the fish's status as just two lowly placeholders. Or maybe it was the 409 that I cleaned the tank with. Well, lately I've been contemplating, pondering, if you will. Have you ever sat and thought of how one instant of your day, one moment, you can completely ruin another person's day? Say you walk into a McDonalds, order a Medium drink... stay with me here... and they bring it back to you, and you reply "What is this, medium? I ordered a large, what are you, stupid?" Of course the customer is always right, so unless your server is insane, they'll play it off. But this bothers them all day. When they leave work, they cut someone off, then that guy's a little ticked. He goes home, yells at his son playing in the driveway. The son, who talked back and got grounded, is now sneaking on the internet. A girl sends him her pic, he calls her ugly. She gets mad, and argues with her older brother, who then breaks up with his girlfriend... Do you notice this cycle? I think all this anger builds up and is transferred to the Middle East. That would explain a lot. By show of hands, who can wink? I can. A few months ago, I realized that this rather simple task of blinking one eye alone while keeping the other open was a surprisingly difficult task for some. There are some people who cannot wink at ALL. It’s strange. I mean, GET A CLUE, you know? Take my sister Barley Bumpo for instance. She has NO winkage at all. She blinks like a retarded girl for her winks. It gets really funny because she does this "mock sexy" thing, and then she ruins it by trying to wink. It is sad, really. So I was just having a normal conversation today, then someone asked me if I had seen the new movie Gladiator. Simple question. I hadn't seen the movie, but for some reason, at that moment, I said, "Yes, I have seen that." Why? Why was I compelled to lie- not for self-gain, or to protect someone's feelings, just to be lying. I assume that's what I was thinking. That's the only rational way to explain it I guess. I'm sure I wasn't thinking "Ooh, I better lie, even though I stand to gain nothing through this falsehood, but what the heck?" Because that would be stupid. I continued the conversation, however, with great knowledge of this movie I had never seen. And through hearing about the movie from "Lie Test #1", next time I will be prepared to lie EVEN better. (for no reason whatsoever.) So I've been curious lately. "About what oh great one?" you may ask. Well, I will tell you. The delicious sugar-candy Smarties thouroughly intrigue me. Where do they come from? I have myself NEVER purchased them and do not know of anyone hoo has. Have you? It's like the only way to get them into circulation was to invent the holiday Halloween. Which we all know was invented by the Nazis. You didn't know that? Well, it's true. Everything on the internet is true. Don't even get me started on Elvis. Other than Smarties, I have no other candy suspicions. Except... what's the deal with that foam peanut candy? I'm sorry, I hesitate to eat something the color of a parking cone with the durability of galvanized rubber. My apologies to the manufacturer. This entry would've been more apropriate on Halloween, but it's my webpage and not yours, neener neener neener. I was sitting there the other day, (where you ask? There.) and there was this little idiot bug just walking around. I think he'd been knockin' back a few in the first place, but I looked at it and wondered, where are these bugs really going? They never just hang out, they're always on their way somewhere. You put your hand down to block it's way, "no problem" he says in his little buggy voice, "I'll just go over there instead." Whole new destination. I guess if I was walking down the street and a 200-foot wall fall down right in front of me, I might be all, "Well, I may go to Texas for a while, I don't wannabe hanging out with all these falling walls just dropping from the sky." But it's ants I really have a problem with... ants physically exhaust me to watch them. All the retards do is walk around getting food and taking it underground. It all goes to the queen, they get what's left. How much does that suck? I just wish there was a cool ant that didn't work and got kicked out of the colony. Go hang out and get me some little ladybugs, he says. I mean, seriously, who has the time for all this. I got a short life span, woman, lemme enjoy it. I find a dead worm, I get first dibs on it. Just cause you don't know the word "birth control" you gotta eat all my food? It doesn't work that way. If I can get in on some of that makin' larvae action with you, maybe I'll see it your way, but until then, baby, I gotta do what I gotta do. The only bug that I really dig is, though, the ladybug. This one's got it made. I mean, you never see it working, it flies on you, sits a while, flies away. No one would dare kill it, though. Wouldn't be right. Can't do that to a "lady." It's probably flying back to the little buggy-bar laughing with it's buddies a drinkin' some beer. "That red paint really did the trick fellas, one of those 200 foot wall thingies just let me walk around on it, HAHAHA..." Okay, everyone seems to be very confused. They perceive me as being a good quiet little girl but it’s really quite the opposite. I have, in fact, a shadow hanging over me from a very unfortunate misdeed that I’ve performed in the past. See, it all starts in 5th grade. I'm in the cafeteria, with my empty tray covered in trash and remains from my very scrumptious school food. I think to myself, "I've got to dump this thing." I look over at the other side of this massive cafe, spotting the gray trashcan, splattered with chocolate milk and various other unknown particles. It awaits me. But inside my body is screaming, "No! NO! Do not go!" And I realize that my body is right. I can't do it. But I'm too weak. I slowly make my way over to the vortex that is the garbage, dreading what is ahead. I look down at my tray in hand, and I spot the fork. The fork that I am forced to save from the garbage can abyss by school administrators. Finally, I decide that I will be the one to make a stand. I will dump my lunch remains and pizza particles in the trash, but I will dump the fork also! I perform the pre-meditated tasks, thinking to myself, "I am a hero." Thank God I was there today, or so I thought. Unfortunately the principal caught a glimpse of this treacherous act and confronted me about it. I froze. Seeing as though this was my 13th “fork throwing away” offense he was forced to take action. It wasn’t my fault though. The school psychiatrist said that I had some sort of compulsion or some big word like that. She suggested a support group but my mom disagreed and moved me to Highlands. Where they are permitted to throw as many forks as they’d like away. Now I can do it and not be ashamed. I'm all about the simple pleasures in life. I mean I really believe that by appreciating what is good and small, you'll be happy. Here is a list I composed about the simple pleasures: Silly Putty, Bongos, Bullets (not the killing kind, the round dots you place beside an item of a list as a visual aid). Oh and strawberry milk. I'm talkin', THIS STUFF is GREAT! Its like, Strawberry Bliss. It too, is insane. And finally, Mallo Cups. You've got to try these babies. I collect the Mallo Money. I have 60 cents of mallo money. I only need 440 more cents to get a WHOLE U.S. DOLLAR!!! I love you guys. Picture or ponder (either one) this statement: " Green old lady's do it." Today I was thinking about Super Bubble Bubble gum. You know-- the kind you get at Halloween in your treat bags. That stuff is great. But- there is one problem. It lasts like, NO TIME. It’s insane. All they have to do is put some quality workmanship and good ol' American spirit and know-how into this product, and it truly would be Super. I curse you, Super Bubble. I curse you. I've always been amazed at how in dreams, you almost always know what's going on, even though you really don't. Here's an example, (Dream Sequence) I'm walking through a supermarket, my friend Jeff comes up to me and asks me to go over and play saxophone in the 'Supermarket Orcestra' while he and his friend Shaquielle O'Neal go to buy a watermelon. I respond with the obvious "Why Jeff, the watermelons aren't at this store, you have to go on the other side of town!" Besides all the nonsense and random things thrown in there, where in the world did I acquire this information about watermelons? Stuff like that has always amazed me. Call me old fashioned. No, seriously, call me old fashioned! Thank you. I don’t usually babysit because kids take my childish personality and weird sense of humor the wrong way. In the end they think of me as a friend not an authority figure. So I usually call my house and have my 12 year-old sister come over and get them to listen up and go to sleep because you can’t get anymore serious and mother like then my sister. I hope I’m never like that. Anyways, I made an exception today and decided to babysit for the cute little kids next door. Basically I had no other choice. I felt bad because she was the one who leant me the crowbar when I locked myself out of my house. I was returning a favor for a favor. Besides, it isn’t that bad her son is cool. He’s 6 so we’re at about the same level. We hang out and play video games. Anyways, they have this thing where you switch all the letters around to make it say different phrases. I made it say “Big Floppy Stinky Guy” I laughed at it all day. Scott laughed so hard he peed his pants. But never fear. My sister “the neighborhood mommy” came over in a flash and took care of the problem while I played N64. That’s one thing I can say about my sister she’ll make a good mom. I on the other hand will be wrapping my kids in plastic wrap because diapers are way too high-tech. Hopefully my sister will still be on call. Say, I was watching "Leave it to Beaver" a sec ago, and I still can't figure out why his name is BEAVER!! His own MOTHER calls him Beaver. She's like, "where's the beav?" Oh man-- did they not know that beaver is another name for something private back in the fifties? Did it ever occur to them that naming a child after genitalia might be inappropriate? I think they may have been going for the irony. A clean-cut show that's really a dirty cover up. How in the world did he get that nickname anyway? It’s like the underlying mystery of the show! No one knows!! And yet everyone on the show seems to know that this kid's name is BEAVER!!! I figure it was probably some large, scandalous neighborhood incident. I work at Lana’s Salon. It’s an interesting place. We get a lot of crazy, old people that flock over from Sweet Tomatoes with food stuffed in every pocket, bag and clothing that they can. It’s true! Since Sweet Tomatoes is all you can eat I guess they figure since their old they can take advantage of the place. It’s sad one old guy (and when I say old I’m talking like 98) came in with his wife looking for shampoo to re-grow hair on his poor bald little head and he had a sock in his hand. Me being the perceptive young woman that I am could tell that there was something flopping around inside there. So I asked him what was in there. It took him like 20 min. to get it out of the sock cause he’s old and he moves so slow but I wasn’t about to reach in that little old man’s sock cause God only knows where that’s been. The conversation we had while he was emptying the sock was quite amusing but I’m not going to get into it. Anyways to make a long story short that old guy had like 7 dinner rolls stuffed in his sock. I quiver at the thought of that old couple serving up those rolls at their next bingo meet. They were a cute couple though. They said that they’ve been married for 67 years. That’s crazy I can’t even get someone to go out with me for 67 days let alone marry someone for 67 years! Can you imagine that the same person for 67 years I like a different guy every week how am I gonna find one I like enough to stay with forever. It’s not like their gonna split up now. Neither of them are gonna find anyone else. The only way they’d have a chance is if they were rich and judging by the fact that they have to steal food I’m pretty sure their not going to attract any young models with their money, but you never know with these crazy old folks! I’m just kidding. I think old people are great. I have a large quantity of them in my family. So if anyone ever runs out just call me. I probably won’t be home because I work so much. It’s always something new. This one chick gets mono every Saturday (I'm not saying any names.... LINDA). It’s that really rare I’m too hung over from Friday to come into work type of mono. That’s fine though. Just wait till the waves roll in I’m gonna get the I’m going surfing mono. The other day I found a payphone directory in one of the draws. Boy did my eyes light up when I saw that! Oh the possibilities. Have you ever done this before? It’s strangely invigorating. As I opened the book I saw a bunch of notes written in there. They were probably from some poor tortured soul was bored and had it before me. Apparently, people call CONSTANTLY and make obscene noises to this one payphone. You're sure to get the old man who sits on the bench right next to the phone. His name is Bill, but he thinks his name is Heather, it said “be sure to ask for him when somebody answers.” Then I thought to myself “Should I ask for Heather or Bill?” Then I thought, “He doesn't know that his name is actually Bill.” Then I thought, “But how do I know that?” All in all when it really came down to it I was too scared to ask. This old lady answered. All I could do was scratch. But then she got really mad and started screaming--and from what I could hear, was pretty violent. Maybe next time I should speak. I guess payphone calling has its ups and downs. Next time someone gets mad I’m just gonna keep insisting that they called me. I just haven’t found a fitting payphone yet. I also got really board at work today so I went into a Spanish chat room. I used a translator to talk to people but things got all wak. I thought I was having a normal conversation with this guy but when I translated what I was saying back into English it wasn’t what I had said to begin with. I told him I had 17 men. I really wanted to say that I was 17 years old. I messed up everything and he started saying some mean things so I got outta there. I know this kid with downsyndrome and he's soo so so weird! He can't even read what a loser! Wow!!! I really outdid myself this time. And you guys thought last year’s was bad. Ha! I laugh in the face of last years page! This page isn’t as funny though. Don’t worry I’ll think of some new stuff. I’m impressed that I wrote this much in only half an hour. Time flew by though. It’s been fun.
-This is for all the people who aparently can't get to my page from last year on their own so I'm gonna help out!-
I am writing this because for a very long time people have been telling me to write something and not to just keep my web page boring. So here goes. I'm doing this page for Spanish. Spanish is the best. Spanish is a good language to know if you live in south Florida. Maybe one day I'll be able to totally understand what people are saying when they speak Spanish like at stores and stuff. And I could ease drop on conversations. That'll be cool. Ms. Method is the best. And if she's not the best she's pretty close. Ms. Method if you're reading this before I turn in my house project (which is already two days late) please be leniant. If you've already graded it please accidentaly give me a few extra points. I don't really have much to talk about. Not a whole lot of people talk to me. I'm pretty boring. I talk to my brother a lot. He has blue hair. I think he has some sort of a birth defect. He can consume a whole bottle of Flinstone vitamins in less then half an hour. And it's not one of those cheap small bottles that have like ten vitamins in them. It's those new big bottles with that girl dinosaur. You know Dino's girlfriend. Don't tell my mom though. She might get mad. She gets really worked up over things like that. I don't want her to cry and worry that my brother might overdose on Flinstone vitamins. I don't really think that's possible. Vitamins are supposed to be really good for you. You can't have too much of a good thing. But they put a lot of other stuff in those vitamins. I read the ingredients once and it was something like vitamin a, vitamin c, vitamin d, vitamin e, B1, B2, B6, B13, B982, Yellow #9, Yellow Lake #9, Yellow Duck #9, Dicalcium Phosphate, Magnesium Oxide, small laboratory-raised flies with natural flavoring etc. I'm guessing that all has to be good for you. Flinstone Vitamin's are the number one choice of pediatricians and a registered trademark of Hanna-Barbera productions, Inc. Yesterday I fell off my bed, so I just sat there in disgust for fifteen minutes. When I was little I wore Velcro Barbie shoes because I couldn't tie my laces and all of the other kids made fun of me. Everyone except for my best friend Randy. Randy was a boy. Randy moved away. I don't speak to Randy any more. I have a car. It's white. And it has four wheels. I was supposed to get a new car for my 17th birthday (which is in less than 4 months.... can't wait! I've never been 17 before) but I got into a tiny little accident and made the tiny little mistake of leaving the scene and my parents flipped out. They payed for the car to get fixed but they said I'm stuck with this stupid Nissan Maxima till I can prove to them that I'm more responsible. HA! My parents make me laugh. They're like forty years old but they swear they're cool. I was wondering if someone gets scared half to death twice what would happen? Has anyone ever wonderd what the guy who discovered where milk comes from was doing? And how did the numbers 7 and 9 get so important. When I say this I am referring to the phone because 7 and 9 have four letters while all the other numbers only get three. How is that fair? The number 1 doesn't get any, but who cares about 1. And why doesn't 0 get anything. I think the number 0 should get the letter O. That sounds fair to me. A snail has 25,000 microscopic teeth. A blue whale can go six months without eating. Well, now that I've talked about pretty much nothing and have totally gotten off the Spanish topic I think I'll go. Thank you for visiting my site. You can e-mail me by clicking at the top if you have any questions and remember always look both ways before crossing the street and be careful what you wish for.
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My Interests
-I like boys
-I like Elmer’s glue
-I like music
-I like Ghostbusters
-I like cough drops
-I like yellow street lights, but it stinks, because they only last for a couple of seconds at a time.
-I like staring directly at the moon
-I like principals
-I like nap sacks (book bags) with little slots to hold your extra pens and pencils
-I like arbor day
-I like Victoria day
-I like old clothes
-I like having 4 wheels on my car
-I like guys who like girls who like guys
-I like guys who like me
-I like the fact that I have never used one of the F keys on my key board (F1, F2, etc..)
-I like the movie Clueless (best ever)
-I like people who tell me how it is straight up
-I like clothes that are washed with Snuggles
-I like food that is made with a mothers love (It always makes it taste better)
-I like to do math problems that make you carry the 0 - zero
-I like camp Anawana
-I like Tom Green
-I like how my cat has two eyes
-I like to travel on the Lackawanna Railroad
-I like neutrons over electrons, but not as much as protons
-I like This button ~
-I like High Fructose Corn Syrup and/or Sucrose
-I like double sided pencils
-I like my best FRIEND (I only like him as a friend)in the whole world, Brandon.
-I like Dustin G.
-I like Jay.
-I hate how life turns out ,but when life is good I like it.
That was dumb.
-I like how I responded about how dumb that I hate how life turns out up there. I think I handled that very well.
-I like people who don't have to be serious all the time. Like George Clooney on E.R.
-I like underwear
-I like the District of Columbia (Washington D.C.)
-I like Florida, when I’m asleep.
-I like Twin Falls, Idaho - never been there.
-I like to laugh.
-I like mistaking planes for stars.
-I'm currently enjoying school
And last but definetly not least
-I like water.
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