Do you know John Kaelin, let's find out...

This is a comprehensive quiz detailing the most intimate and fundamental aspects of John Kaelin. I expect everyone close to me to get all of them right. If not, your friendship status will be put on an indefinite hold period upon further review by a board of 9 members who then decide to either reinvoke your friendship status at a bi-weekly meeting with no less than a 2/3 majority of the quorum presiding.