Screw the Nebraska game and support the Hawks instead
All you folks seeking advice with your love lives, just e-mail The Ladies Man with any questions you may have. He will also provide any desperate young ladies with a date (dinner and a movie).
Don't touch that!
I just want to say here and now that I did not have relations with that woman, or her pet iguana. These rumors are completely unfounded and have no supporting evidence.
I have gotten word that there is a bad strain of red rope licourice circulating in the crowd. I repeat, do not eat any red rope licourice.
For those of you just joining us, today we're teaching poodles how to fly.
Let's let loose and have some canned ham.
Due to circumstances beyond our control, there will be no showing of Druids On Parade tonight. Let me be the first to apologize for this injustice. In its place, we are showing re-runs of Strip Solitare. Enjoy.