I read this article about summer plans and thought you would enjoy what Dr. Jim Taylor has to say about how to plan for a happy and healthy summer for your children. Dr. Jim Taylor has written many books such as: Kids & Culture Alert!, Positive Pushing: How to Raise a Successful and Happy Child and Your Children are Under Attack: How Popular Culture is Destroying Your Kids' Values, and How You Can Protect Them

You can e-mail Dr.Taylor if you would like to invite him to speak to our school's parents and students at jim@drjimtaylor.com.

Dr. Jim Taylor's blog:

Parenting: Kids and Summer Activities

I was recently interviewed on parenting radio show and thought that, with summer around the corner, the topic of kids and summer activities seemed timely.

1. What ultimately is the goal a parent should have in mind when they select/offer ideas to their children of what to do this summer?

Parents should think about what they want their children to get out of their summer. I recommend anything that fosters kids’ physical, intellectual, social, spiritual, environmental, cultural, and artistic development. In other words, what are the experiences that will further children’s greater understanding of themselves and the world in which they live.

Also, parents should focus on summer activities that encourage certain values that parents want to instill in their children, for example, hard work, compassion, or learning about other cultures. If children are into sports, the arts, or another specialized area, activity-specific camps or other experiences devoted to these are a great way to allow them to enjoy themselves and help them improve and strive toward their goals.

Of course, having some summer activities that are just plain fun is important too.

2. What summer activities should parents avoid for their children?

Too many parents these days worry too much about their children’s futures. So they send their kids to summer academic camps (e.g., math or computer camp) or internships (e.g., law firms, hospitals, businesses) that they think will better prepare them for college or a career. I think this is just another example of anxious parents trying to fast forward their intellectual and educational development, burnish their kids’ “resume,” or force them down a career path not of their choosing. Such experiences are often joyless to kids (unless they have a passion for it) and can actually hamper their educational pursuits by turning them off to academics. And there will be plenty of time for kids to find a career path once they get to college.

3. What role does our popular culture play in these decisions?

Parents feel a lot of pressure these days to “keep up with the Joneses,” meaning they feel like if they’re not doing what the Joneses are doing, then they will be viewed as bad parents. My advice is to “make the Joneses jealous.” While the Joneses are doing what everyone else is doing (unhappily, I might add), you can be doing what your family wants to do. The ability to make this decision to buck the system comes from thinking deliberately about your family’s values and interests and making conscious choices based on those priorities.

4. What specific ideas can you offer parents to do with their 13-18 year olds this summer?

Summer jobs are one of the most powerful experiences teenagers can have. I think manual labor or mundane labor is especially good learning experience for teens, particularly in the privileged and insulated world in which many kids are raised these days. I worked as a carpenter all through high school and college. It showed me the value of hard work, the direct relationship between earning a wage and producing something, and how most people in America work. Plus, I learned a set of practical (i.e., do-it-yourself) skills that I use to this day. My wife worked summers in a mall cookie shop. She benefited from many of the lessons that I learned.

Camp counselor is a great summer job because it teaches kids leadership skills and the ability to teach others. Working with disadvantaged kids can also be an eye-opening experience because it exposes privileged children to people and a world that they wouldn’t see otherwise.

Summers are also a great time to get kids involved in household responsibilities. They should be assigned chores that contribute to the upkeep and functioning of the house. Painting a room, cleaning out the garage, or being in charge of recycling are all great ways to teach kids responsibility and get the house into shape.

If you have a backyard, planting a vegetable garden is another wonderful experience for kids. They can learn about agriculture and healthy eating, and they can get their hands dirty too (always a fun and healthy thing for kids to do). Seeing the fruits of their labor (no pun intended) can be a source of great satisfaction and perhaps trigger a lifelong passion for gardening.

Family activities should also be included summer plans. Family outings are a great way for you to connect with and strengthen your relationship with their kids and do fun things together. The best summer family activities are those in which parents and children share a new and unique experience, visit a place totally unfamiliar to everyone, or do something that requires a family to interact in different ways. For example, one family I know spent two weeks helping to build a house for Habitat for Humanity. Another family spent a week camping the mountains.

5. What role does boredom play in summer activities? Does boredom have any value?

Boredom happens when kids have too much free time on their hands. And summers, when kids aren’t in school and may not have as much structure in their days, are a potential breeding ground for boredom.

Boredom can be a dangerous thing because, when children have nothing to do, mischief (or worse) is always a great way to make life exciting. Remember the saying, “Idle hands are the Devil’s playground?

Boredom can also be a great tool for development if it’s handled properly. Too often these days, when kids get bored, parents give them something to entertain them, such as put them in front of a TV or computer or send them to the mall. But boredom can encourage creativity and self-initiative. When kids tell their parents they are bored, the parents should say, “So, what are you going to do about it?” Parents can offer activities that are healthy, such as organizing informal soccer games, going to parks and museums, or doing chores around the house (that will get kids motivated to find something to do for themselves!).

At the same time, I do think a part of summer should be devoted to down time, meaning just hanging out at home and taking it easy (but that doesn’t mean sitting in front of a screen for easy entertainment). Kids need time to rest and recharge. So much of kids’ lives these days are programmed and go, go, go. But this time should not comprise the bulk of the summer, but rather be a short period, perhaps a week, before school begins.

6. How does a parent address the fact if a child does NOT want to do, attend or volunteer at a certain activity?

I have a saying, “Doing nothing is not an option.” Kids have to do something with their summers. You can give your kids some options from which they must choose, including some form of work. But I believe that kids should be forced to do something.

One family I know has a rule: one thing the parents want the kids to do and one thing the kids want to do. This rule amounts to a win-win for parents and kids.

7. Is there anything else you would like to add regarding this subject?

I think it’s reasonable for parents to be a little bit “selfish” in deciding the summer activities in which their children participate. For example, when parents choose to send their children to sleep-away camp, that gives them the opportunity to have some husband-and-wife time alone to travel or pursue interests that they might not otherwise be able to do. This solo time can be healthy for the individual spouses and for marriage. And, as we all know, happy parents and healthy marriages make for happy and healthy marriages.

I hope you enjoyed Dr. Jim Taylor's article on summer tips.

Please continue encouraging your children to practice the following "Acts Of Courage" throughout the summer.

The “Acts of Courage Program” was developed three years ago as a whole school initiative for the purpose of creating a caring, compassionate, and cooperative school environment. This program was created to help reduce the incidents of teasing in the school while increasing random acts of kindness. Teachers ask their students on a regular basis to share a time when they had the opportunity to practice an act of courage or a time they noticed when another classmate displayed kindness. The school-wide “Acts of Courage Program” reinforces our values and beliefs and supports our character education and bullying programs. The students have pledged by signing their name and promising to make an effort by practicing the following five “Acts of Courage”:

1) Stand up for someone being teased

2) Include someone new in your group

3) Talk to someone you have never talked to before

4) Give someone a compliment

5) Tell an adult if someone is bullying you

The students pledges will be displayed in the cafeteria for all to see. To expand and increase the effectiveness of this program, we have invited parents, community guests and the whole staff at the Cole School to join the teachers in becoming active participants in the program. To help encourage, motivate and increase kind behaviors in our school we reward students with a helping hand (paper token) when they are caught practicing one of the five acts of courage. Teachers and observers may reward the student with a token when an act of courage is observed. The teachers will collect the reward tokens from their students and add them to a class collection for a future whole class reward determined by the classroom teacher. The rewards will then be recycled to continue the program. Your participation is requested to help us promote our school-wide character education program. A supply of rewards will be available, for our visitors, in a jar located on the shelf by the front office window. Visitors will be asked to please return any unused hands to the jar to recycle before leaving the building. I would like to thank-you for your help in promoting our whole school character education program. If you have any questions about the program please feel free to call me at anytime.

The following strategies may be helpful in teaching your child: :)

LOOK FOR TEACHABLE MOMENTS

Children don't learn values from a single "big talk" with their parents. Instead, they learn values every day. Pay attention and you'll notice lots of moments when small lessons are taught by example. For instance, when you give extra change back to the cashier, you teach HONESTY. When you let a mom with a crying baby go ahead of you in line, you teach GENEROSITY. When you hold the door for someone, you teach KINDNESS. Chances are, you can think of many situations like this. Point out ethical choices that your family makes. As soon as you can, talk about what happened. You might say, "I saw you help Mary when she fell on the playground. That was really nice of you." You can also discuss things you see on TV. Ask, " What would you have done in that situation?" Or say, "What do you think I would have done?" ( this reveals how your child sees your values.)

BETTER BEHAVIOR - Through Loving Discipline

As your children grow up, it's natural for them to challenge you. Sometimes, it seems easier to just let them have their way. But all kids need limits, and they need parents to guide them. Discipline works best with a balance of love, respect, clearly defined rules, and understanding. Here are some secrets of effective discipline.

MAKE THE RULES CLEAR

Children do best when they know what to expect. Talk about family rules, explaining the consequences clearly. EXAMPLE: "Put your bicycle away when you've finished riding it. If you don't, you won't be allowed to ride it the next day." As your child learns to read, write down the rules and put them on the refrigerator as a reminder.

BE CONSISTENT AND FIRM

You can expect your kids to "test" the rules from time. When they do, try to stand your ground and apply the set consequences. Being firm and consistent lets them know that you mean business.

GIVE POSITIVE FEEDBACK

Try to focus more on your child's right actions than on their wrong ones. This will encourage them to try even harder to behave. So, when you see behavior you'd like repeated, let your kids know. EXAMPLE: "Thanks for hanging up your coat and backpack!" :)

The first Monday of each month students have an opportunity to sign up to perform for their classmates during recess. Monday's Entertainment is offered to all students . Many students enjoy acting and performing on stage and this time gives them an opportunity to perform and show their talent.

Would you like your child to make more friends? Try coaching him/her in how to be the kind of friend that other kids are naturally drawn to. Here are some "friendly" behaviors you can help your child master.

SMILE

Children (and adults) enjoy being around people who are happy. Encourage your child to smile and make eye contact when he/she meets others.

SHARE

Generosity is contagious. Suggest that your child share with friends and classmates. Explain that they will be more likely to share with her/him in return.

LISTEN

Everyone likes it when others listen to what they have to say. Encourage your youngster to ask others about themselves. TIP: If your child is shy, help him practice conversation starters, like " Which class are you in?" or " I like soccer. Do you play?"

BE A GOOD SPORT

Good sportsmanship is an important part of being a good friend. Challenge your child to say "Great game! Thanks for playing with me!" after a game-whether he/she wins or loses.

Ask your child to hug their knees and say " I love myself, " they will explain to you what we mean by that and why it is so important. Reach out to someone who needs you ! :)

Families who are seeking support outside the school in the areas of social skills groups, parent grps. or individual counseling may call the following recommended therapists or you may call me for other referrals. Many therapists are in the process of developing their groups for the fall.

Val Wooley,LICSW

80 Washington Sq. Ste D28

Norwell, MA #781-871- 2212

Ann McCarthy-Egan,LICSW

62 Derby St. Suite 15

Hingham, MA #781-740-8213

Tammy Graham

210 Whiting Place

Hingham, MA #781-740-9044

Cheryl Larson

33 Union St. Suite #20

Weymouth, MA 02089 #781-956-5901

Student/Counselor Connection:

There are many ways I stay connected to the students here at Cole. I have lunch and recess groups every day, individual talks, peer mediation, group counseling; such as loss, divorce/single parent groups for every grade, social skill groups, and magic circle/class meetings on a regular basis.

Topics of discussion during class meetings with the counselor include:

* understanding self and others

* teasing and bullying

* stress management

* telling vs. tattling

* making good choices

* making and keeping friends

* solving problems

* how to say NO ! ( politely to peers and adults )

* understanding your feelings & how to manage them

* empathy vs. sympathy

* differences ( knowing your strengths & weaknesses )

* knowing your boundaries ( reading non-verbal cues )

* boy/girl relationships

* adjustment issues such as loss, grief & moving

* changing families

These are some of the subjects we discuss as a class, in small groups, or as individual support. If you have other topics that you feel would be relevent for a particular grade or would like your child included in any of these groups please feel free to call me.

The Guidance Reference Library is located in the waiting room outside the guidance office. There are many subjects and topics available to all Norwell parents. To check out a book is the same process as any library. Fill out the library card inside of the front cover and put it in the box on top of the bookshelf. Please feel free to come and check out my book inventory. I do not need to be there for you to check out a book. The door is always open. Feel free to come and read a book while you are waiting for your son or daughter.

If you have any questions or would like to discuss your child, please feel free to call or send me an e-mail at the school. You can reach me at the school between 8:00 and 5:00 almost everyday.

Have a wonderful school year,

Patty Wright :)

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